One time we were sitting around the campfire with some of our friends discussing turning 40. A few of us had already passed the milestone and a few were anticipating the big birthday.

One of our friends threw out a funny statistic to his wife about his upcoming 40th. It was something about how lucky she was that his salary was higher and his weight was lower than the average forty-year-old man.

She quickly retorted, “Well, you’re lucky that I’m a white, millennial woman who isn’t a crazy liberal.” We all laughed.

Ever since that day, my husband has asked me occasionally, “How would a husband know if his wife's political views are starting to usurp biblical truth? What are some signs that she is listening to voices that are pulling her down a destructive path?”

In other words, how does someone go from a Jesus-loving, church-attending wife and mom to a bitter divorcée with Ukraine and trans flags in her Instagram profile? I’ve witnessed this happen in my own social circles.

I could probably write five pages on this topic, but I want this to be a concise resource that men can read and use.

The talk.

The first thing you may notice when an otherwise happy, stable woman is straying from the narrow path is a shift in her language. She may increase her use of vocabulary such as: kindness, empathy, compassion, privilege, marginalized, equity. She thinks that many things in the world are cruel or unfair, and if people would be more kind or have more empathy, these problems would be solved.

The attitude.

Along with her changing language, her attitude will slowly shift. For all of her talk of kindness, she will seem more disgruntled or even slightly angry most of the time. She will be upset about gender equality. She will become prickly about how women can’t “use their true gifts” at church. She may take the side of a woman she doesn’t really know at your work and defend her, even if the lady did something wrong or didn’t really deserve the promotion. She may start calling you her “partner” instead of her husband and demand you manage kid lunches or field trips to establish equity in your marriage. In her view, she never gets the praise, rest, or attention that she deserves (nor has any other woman in the history of the world).

The relationship.

Usually a woman will start deviating from the truth because of one key relationship in her life. Often, the woman will have a close friend, a sibling, or a child go down the path of homosexuality, and this is the turning point. She struggles to uphold the relationship without affirming the lifestyle, so she slowly stops talking about homosexuality as sin. She prioritizes making her gay or lesbian friend feel good and preserving the relationship over holding fast to God’s word in love. Her compromise for this one person is the start of a gradual but necessary acceptance of the entire LGBTQ agenda, even if she’ll never be an outright activist. From there, one must eventually accept abortion, climate change, and the current social justice narratives related to race, immigration, and Islam. They are all part of the same package, but it’s usually one sweet, gay, “Christian” companion that causes this package to show up in the mail. If it doesn’t happen through the LGBTQ avenue, it will happen because she feels loyal to some other victim. A friend who is getting divorced from an abusive husband will bring about the “most men are bad” worldview. A sad story about a young boy whose dad got deported or sent to prison will start the “we don’t care about marginalized children” worldview. Even things as innocent as advocating for a child with disabilities or getting involved in foster care can persuade a woman to affiliate with the victim even if it requires her to forsake what’s biblical and true.

The influencers.

I’ll keep this part simple. There are a lot of writers, podcasters, and influencers out there who are not trustworthy. Many operate under the guise of Christianity but teach heresy. Some are blatant from the start, while others seem like wise leaders at first but gradually stray from the truth in subtle ways, even though 90% of their content may be good.

If you see your wife reading or listening to the following people, I would encourage you to use whatever loving authority you still have in her life to get her to stop: Glennon Doyle, Brené Brown, Rachel Hollis, Jen Hatmaker, Shauna Niequist, Shannan Martin, Sharon McMahon (Sharon Says So), Jen Hamilton, Ben Cremer, Latasha Morrison, Russell Moore, or David French.

Then, there are a few influencers that I would engage only with extreme caution because they produce a lot of good content but have a few beliefs that can subtly undermine Scripture: Jackie Hill Perry, Preston Perry, Beth Moore, Los Whitaker, or John Mark Comer.

There are more, but these come to mind first. If you see these names on her nightstand, on her podcast list, or in her Instagram follows, take heed.

The logic.

As your wife travels down this errant path, you will notice her lack of sense. It will seem that all her logic has been replaced with emotion. Sadness will be her driving motivator. For every tragic event that happens in our fallen world, she has identified the perpetrator, except it’s usually the wrong one. If there is a school shooting, everyone should lose the gun rights that have been upheld in our country for 250 years. Don’t bother showing her that citizens without gun rights have been oppressed by their governments throughout history. If there is one sad or confusing story about an immigration officer, she thinks ICE should be abolished and we should no longer have borders in the U.S. If you posit that a country with no borders would be very dangerous, she will give you a quote about “loving foreigners.” If she is watching a friend get divorced, don’t dare mention how many safe, strong men you have in your community who take care of their families well and model the love of God the Father. She will shake her head and tell you it’s time to “end the patriarchy.” She may even twist her previously held convictions. Perhaps, together, you adopted a child from India five years ago because you felt compelled by God’s command to care for orphans and disciple more children. Suddenly, she is upset about bringing your son to a place “where no one looks like him” and for pushing “our Western beliefs on him.” Don’t dare mention that the alternative was for him to continue living as an orphan without proper food or medical care while being taught to worship Hindu gods.

This list is not comprehensive, but I hope it’s a starting point. If you have started to notice your wife emphasizing being nice, kind, or empathetic above all else, it’s time to take heed. Unfortunately, she is probably already a few steps down the wide path to lawlessness. Here are my recommendations:

Remain calm. She might dig her heels in if you get flustered or upset. A gentle answer turns away wrath.

If you notice her reading or listening to the authors listed above, ask her about them. What has she listened to or read lately? What current political topics are most important to her? If she starts sharing a perception that seems unbiblical or misconstrued (for example, “We should welcome all Muslim immigrants or H1-B visa workers because God says to love the foreigner,") push back lightly with some rationale and see how she responds. If she seems open to good faith discussion, you may still have influence and can slowly sway her thinking over time, even to the point of discouraging her from listening to specific teachers or authors.

If she seems open to debate, consider countering her. Tell her you’ll listen to one of her podcasts if she listens to one that you recommend. Or ask her to read a book or an article that offers a sound and persuasive argument and agree to read one of hers. If you are looking for good materials, here are a few I recommend:

• ​Allie Beth Stuckey is a podcaster and writer. Many millennial women have told me that Allie’s podcast changed their perspective on homosexuality, abortion, etc. She also has a book called Toxic Empathy that would be helpful if your wife is willing to read it.
• ​Alisa Childers and Natasha Crain are slightly older women who have podcasts filled with grace and truth.
• ​Just Thinking Podcast: Virgil Walker and Darrell Harrison cover tough cultural topics extensively. They are both black and challenge the predominant social justice narratives in our culture.
• Sermons: You can’t go wrong by listening to a sermon by Johnny Ardavanis, Rob Brunansky, or Stefan Wilson. Remember, God transforms people through his word.

More than anything, PRAY. If you see signs that your wife is drifting spiritually, pray fervently that God would corral her and guide her like the good shepherd he is. Hopefully, he will use your love, wisdom, and words to influence her, but ultimately he will direct her path.

I've now heard testimonies from hundreds of women who were headed in the wrong direction. By God's grace, their loving, patient husbands were able to speak truth and help them turn around.